Acting and not being acted upon

The Book of Mormon says that God created all things, "both things to act and things to be acted upon" (2 Nephi 2:14). As an practicing addict, I was very much something that was acted upon. I gave my will and control to the things around me. I felt like a boat on the stormy ocean without a sail, pushed whichever direction the waves seemed to be moving. Or there may have been times where I frantically put up the sail in the midst of the storm, sat back and expected it to lead me to safety (i.e. insincere prayers and half-committing efforts). I was led about by a flaxen cord. I made myself very much to be a victim of the circumstances around me. If things didn't go the way I expected them, I reacted to them. I was pulled in every direction by the temptations around me.

As a recovering addict, those forces are still there, but this time it's different: I've got a sail, and I know how to use it. Well, I'm learning how to use it. It's been so enlightening and empowering as I've gone from not knowing how I got from point A (feeling fine) to point B (acting out) to recognizing the earliest steps in that direction and being able to do something about them. The daily victories are so encouraging. Here are some of the ways that I am acting now:

Flossing my teeth every day. I'm 31/31 so far. (my new years resolution - I figure if I can do something this small (and surprisingly difficult) every day, then it will help my will power.)

Sending a message to my sister. The other day while studying I thought of something I wanted to tell my sister regarding scripture study so I sent her a message.

Waking up at 5:00 AM every morning to do scripture study, pray/meditate, and test study. I'm doing pretty well at this, about 2/3 days I make it. Only on harder mornings (like today) do I end up sleeping in a bit later. Sometimes it's just difficult.

Not reacting to other people driving on the road that make poor decisions. I'm grateful for driving because it's a good daily gauge multiple times a day for how I'm doing. If I react to every driver on the road that does something stupid/aggressive (and there are a LOT of them around here), then I am one angry bird, and I know that I'm in a 'reacting' mode and need to ask God to help me adjust. But if I'm able to not react and say, "they can drive and feel how they want, I will drive and feel how I want," and just let it go, then I feel much much better. 

Acting early to resist temptation. The 2 things that have brought the biggest change to my ability to stay clean have been 1) my admitting my complete reliance on God in all areas of my life and 2) the ability to recognize temptations early and to deal with them by seeking and doing God's will. Elder Bednar talks about this in one of his talks. He says that just like there are road signs that warn us of 'danger ahead,' God has always and will always give us warning signs when there is 'danger ahead.' It has been a long process, but by understanding both God and myself a little better, I know and recognize that voice very well now.

I was just studying about this today and thought I'd write about it. Plus it's one of those hard days again, and I could use a little boost in hope. I will do everything I can today to be something that acts. I will seek out God's will, particularly if I start feeling inclinations to seek out old methods of comfort. I will try to seek His will in other things. I will choose to act and feel how I would like to act and feel and not let my circumstances around me change that. I will hold on to the one thing that is constant in my spinning world. I will keep my anchor in the ground.

"Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God." Ether 12:4