The sun came up

Can't believe it's been about 3 weeks since I was last here. I'm not sure what to write, so I'll keep it short and just log things that have happened over the last little while.

My wife and I selected a counselor to begin seeing once every two weeks or so and we have seen her twice since. She has been great at being a neutral 3rd party to help us talk through things and figure out what we can do, and what we want to do. It is an expensive thing, but the money was well worth the help that we have received. In meeting with our counselor, we discovered some specific things we can work on and a good direction on how to move forward (and that we want to move forward!).

She explained the first day we were there that so often we just put bandaids over problems and expect them to heal - often that works. Bandaids are fabulous and the body is great at healing itself most the time. However, with significant wounds that are infected, bandaids will simply cover them up for the time being. Our marriage had a significant, infected wound that kept opening up every few weeks because all we did was put bandaids over it. I hope, and believe, that as we dig deeper and cleanse the whole wound that it can finally seal up and heal up properly and for good.

I don't know why I never went to counseling before... by myself I mean. I feel like I was just a walking bundle of bandaids. I had so many problems inside that I didn't address. Anyway - it was positive and I pray it will continue to be positive.

One part of the plan is for me to get evaluated for OCD. Good times there. I've always known I had parts of it, but never wanted to do anything about it, or felt it was serious enough to do anything about it. So we'll do that and see where it goes.

Anyway, we're doing better. We have hope. That's the bottom line. My wife is figuring things out and accepting things that she needs to. I am so grateful for her - she tries so hard and does so well. I've put her through so much, and crushed alot of her childhood dreams, which kills me inside. I hope to start living some our dreams together soon.

I continue to do personal study daily, attend group weekly, and have nightly follow ups with my wife. I continue to remain in sobriety, 15 months strong. I continue to feel temptations daily - some days go by easily, others not. I still have a long way to go. We still have a long way to go. But we're going. And we know we can make it.

Thanks for the prayers. I'm sure they helped.