We've got a problem. Wouldn't be here if we didn't. Everyone who struggles with addictions that are sexual in nature eventually comes to a point where they realize something has to be done. There's no such thing as remaining stagnant - addiction is always progressive in nature if left alone. Overcoming years and years of habits can be really daunting. It might seem impossible. It might not even seem worth it. Well - it is worth it, it is not impossible, BUT starting can be frustrating, especially if this isn't the first time you've "started" to do something about it.
Most of us have tried over and over again to stop acting out in various ways, but have to date found ourselves unable to make much progress.
WHY?
A lot of reasons that you'll learn along the journey. But you need to come to one conclusion - you can't beat this on your own. It can't be dealt with in secret. What's important now is that you do something about it. Something more than the past. It's time to up the ante. Today is the day.
So... what are some things you can do to get started? Here's a list that you or anyone can apply to get going along the trail to recovery.
1) Break secrecy - you need to open up to those important in your life.
- Start with a bishop who can help you along the way.
- Next comes your spouse (the hardest, but most necessary).
- After that, talk to trusted friends, siblings, and parents. You'll be surprised at the positive response you'll receive from this group.
2) Seek help
- Attend a meeting***
- LDS 12 step: http://addictionrecovery.lds.org/find-a-meeting?lang=eng
- Sexaholics Annonymous: http://www.sa.org/meetings.php
- get involved in the online blogging community: a good place to start is http://ldsaddictionrecoveryblogs.blogspot.com
- get a professional counselor, for you and your wife - her recovery process will be just as long and involved as yours will be, if not more. Believe me.
- hold meetings often with a bishop
3) Set up roadblocks
- Physical
- #1 is a website filter - give someone else the password: http://www1.k9webprotection.com/ is a good one. Block inappropriate sites and "gateway" sites that lead to acting out.
- #2 is internet accountability software - be accountable to someone: http://www.covenanteyes.com/ is a good one
- #3 is other rules: have computer in a public place, set rules about when you use the internet - what time and where, disable internet browsing on your phone/ipad - you probably don't need it, etc. The list could be endless.
- Spiritual
- Connect with God daily via prayer and scripture study. Do what you need to further your relationship with Him.
4) Keep on keepin' on
- If you are successful at your first shot at this, you are a severe minority. There will likely be bumps along the way. Possibly alot of them. You will be tempted to give up. Don't give in... after each relapse, practice being honest and transparent. A good rule is to tell your spouse within 48 hours of a relapse no matter what. Ask yourself what you can learn from it and be ready to talk about it. Use the help resources to dig deeper as to why you have this addiction. What needs of yours aren't being met? What weaknesses are your triggers? Why do you choose to give in? After the basic foundation, it's a fine tuning process of trial and error - keep moving forward with God. I promise it's possible. I've seen it and felt it, and am continuing to feel it on my road to recovery. May God's blessings be on all of us on this journey as we seek to master ourselves and carry the cross we've been called to bear in this life.
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