How to change a bad mood

Even though things are going good in recovery, my wife and I still have hard days pretty frequently. It just kind of happens... and I'm pretty sure it will continue to happen for a while. However, I believe the scale will continue to tip towards having more and more good days than bad as we get further into recovery. One problem for me is that when I get in a bad mood or get depressed with this, I tend to get stuck. I simply feel horrible and it seems there's no end in sight. I don't know how to pull myself out and I don't know how to help my wife pull out either.

I honestly don't really know how to deal with these feelings very well at all - most of the answers seem to fall in the "easier said than done" realm. However, I learned something yesterday at church that I thought was perhaps a little message from God.

We were about 40 minutes late for church, so we walked in and stayed in the foyer to listen to the last couple of talks. After a few minutes, an old (and frankly, kind of crazy-looking) man walked by me. I made eye contact, managed a half-smile and asked how he was doing as we was leaving. He replied he was doing well and returned the greeting. Then he said something to the effect of, "Well, you're in the right place. Cause no matter how bad a mood you were when you got here, you're gonna leave in a better one."

That hit me pretty hard. At first I wondered if it was God sending me a message through this old man, or if it was just random, but I've decided to quit wasting time wondering if things are random. So we went through the church day, and even though we weren't dancing hand-in-hand down the hallways - the crazy man was right - we were in a better mood than when we came.

Here are a few other things that I feel like help me, although I have a hard time being consistent with them:

1) Like going to church, when I'm in a bad mood I need to do things that will help me feel the spirit, even if I don't want to. The natural feeling is to 1) do nothing or 2) seek out something to numb the pain. I don't need something to numb the pain, I need something to heal the pain - and when I seek it, Christ's healing power seems to help me feel a little better - never as much as I want (I'm kind of demanding), but a little. I've noticed that temptations are usually stronger when bad moods hit - probably because I trained myself for years what to do for a quick fix. I'm so grateful to God for helping me find a better way. He helps me see early when my mind starts to move in that direction, and cut it off before I even start moving in that direction.

2) After seeking out God, I feel like doing other things I enjoy tends to help me to pull out. But once again, I need to be careful not to turn to things to just numb the pain. It's kind of a hard balance I guess, one that I don't understand. All I know is that when I get busy doing something else, it helps me to get my mind away from the sorrow and on to other things - and sometimes getting away from the problem for just a short while helps put it in perspective and helps me to deal with it in a more positive attitude when I re-approach it shortly thereafter.

3) As for how to help my wife at the same time, I'm not sure. I'm still trying to learn what I can do that is best for her during these difficult times. I do know one thing: getting upset back is never the answer and is never justified. Support and patience are really important. I do my best to talk things through it she wants to, but also to give her space if she needs it. Sometimes if I try too hard to stay close it seems to have an opposite effect.

4) The only other thing I can think of that helps me is to focus on the heavenly virtues of patience and hope (patiently hopeful?). In a world that encourages us all to look for quick fixes, sometimes it's hard to take a step back and let time run its course. Hard times stink. But they do make us stronger. Try and find the silver lining. They remind me of the pain that I felt while in the addiction and remind me that I never want to go back. They remind me how dependent I am on my Savior. I have complete faith and hope that if we continue to rely on the Savior and look forward with an eye of faith that God will deliver us and heal us. I'm sure He wants to teach us some more things along the way (what better time to teach than when we are humbled by the situations around us?), but I know we will succeed together.

If I could just do these things, then maybe I'd pull out of my bad moods faster, or at least I'd have a better outlook during them. Hopefully these things come in handy next time there's a rainy day.

From the ultimate optimist: "Things will work out. They always do."  - Pres. Gordon B Hinckley