Nourish the seed

I had a thought to blog about this after reading the recent post by "master myself, master the world" about the how and whys of recovery. Thanks for the idea :)

When first discovering my addiction, thought 1 was: hide it. After I found I was unable to hide it any more, thought 2 was: attack it!!!

Before making our way toward real recovery, I think we all look for a quick fix. I felt like a dude with a chainsaw (or an ax if you want a more frantic picture) getting rid of a pesky tree. I saw a blaring problem in my life, and frantically did what I could to chop it down. I just wanted it gone. I wanted to "be done with it." It consumed my thoughts and my life. I kept trying but was unable to eradicate it - and that was the most frustrating thing in the world. I would chop it down, and for some reason I'd return the next day only to find that same tree there, growing bigger and bigger over time. Like the hydra, each time I chopped it down it would come back with reinforcements. What I didn't realize was that I was still unknowingly nourishing it with my everyday thoughts and actions.

In my still growing understanding of recovery, I have now come to look at it in the opposite way - not eradicating a singular bad habit, but developing a whole bunch of new good ones. It is a building process, rather than one of destruction. Rather than cutting down a seemingly invincible tree, I have learned that I must plant my own new seed - my new way of life.

When I first planted this seed, it was frustrating and discouraging. Anyone that's planted anything wonders if it will grow. They look at the dirt, waiting for that initial sprout. They look at the sprout, wondering, "Is it really growing?" They wonder if they water it enough, if it gets enough sunlight, if they're doing it right. Sometimes they do it wrong, and they wonder if they're tender plant will die. Maybe they've had a plant die before and have to replant the seed. Either way, as I've nourished this new way of life, I've found that at the same time I've deprived nourishment from that pesky tree. It has shrunk due to its lack of nourishment as my new tree is beginning to thrive.



This has been my experience, and it is now my testimony. As my little sprout has continued to grow, I incredibly grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and the change it has wrought in me. It gives me great comfort to know that all I need to do is continue to nourish this tree and I will stay on the safe course to eternal life with my wife.

The Book of Mormon says it better than I could in Alma 32:27-43, below is verse 41.

"But if ye will nourish the word, yea, nourish the tree as it beginneth to grow, by your faith with great diligence, and with patience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, it shall take root; and behold it shall be a tree springing up unto everlasting life."