The other reason I loved it was because of the stories throughout it. The founders and early members told their stories in great detail, and I was amazed to find such similarity between them and me. Stories of guys with good intentions who just kept making the same mistakes. They made the same rationalizations I was making. They had similar feelings of pride, hope, and despair. And most importantly, they each found the Way out - reaching out and finding God as they knew Him. Those last 4 words really helped me. I highly suggest this book to anyone in recovery from any addiction.
Anyway, there was one story that continues to stand out to me today. It was about letting little things in and the insanity of addiction. Here it is from the book:
"This is his story.
'I came to work on Tuesday morning. I remember I felt irritated that I had to be a salesman for a concern I once owned. I had a few words with the boss, but nothing serious. Then I decided to drive into the country and see one of my prospects for a car. On the way I felt hungry so I stopped at a roadside place where they have a bar. I had no intention of drinking. I just thought I would get a sandwich. I also had the notion that I might find a customer for a car at this place, which was familiar for I had been going to it for years. I had eaten there many times during the months I was sober. I sat down at a table and ordered a sandwich and a glass of milk. Still no thought of drinking. I ordered another sandwich and decided to have another glass of milk.
Suddenly the thought crossed my mind that if I were to put an ounce of whiskey in my milk, it wouldn't hurt me on a full stomach. I ordered a whiskey and poured it into the milk. I vaguely sensed I was not being any too smart, but felt reassured as I was taking the whiskey on a full stomach. The experiment went so well that I ordered another whiskey and poured it into more milk. That didn't seem to bother me so I tried another.'
Thus started one more journey to the asylum for Jim. Here was the threat of commitment, the loss of family and position, to say nothing of that intense mental and physical suffering which drinking always caused him. He had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic. Yet all reasons for not drinking were easily pushed aside in favor of the foolish idea that he could take whiskey if only he mixed it with milk!
Whatever the precise definition of the word may be, we call this plain insanity."
This story helped me see the insanity in me. The insanity of the rationalizations I would make. The insanity of the denial I was in. The insanity of playing with fire without believing I was being burned. The insanity of seeking for comfort in the thing that would bring my life the greatest pain. The insanity of testing those lines with absolutely no purpose whatsoever - just to do it. I've put whiskey in my milk so many times thinking I wouldn't taste it, that it wouldn't affect me, and would be able to stay above things. That well-trodden road is a one-way path to the same place every time - ending in that same, despairingly bitter realization - ...what have I done?
The only way for the insane mind to heal is through God. Insanity can't fix insanity any more than a severely delusional person can un-convince himself of his delusions. We all need the great Physician. I am so grateful to God for helping me learn better and better to recognize Satan's voice when it comes, as well as the insanity that is addiction. I pray that it will always remain as clear to me as it is today, that whenever I am tempted to even take a step in that direction with a false sense of security, I know where it is from and what to do.
'I came to work on Tuesday morning. I remember I felt irritated that I had to be a salesman for a concern I once owned. I had a few words with the boss, but nothing serious. Then I decided to drive into the country and see one of my prospects for a car. On the way I felt hungry so I stopped at a roadside place where they have a bar. I had no intention of drinking. I just thought I would get a sandwich. I also had the notion that I might find a customer for a car at this place, which was familiar for I had been going to it for years. I had eaten there many times during the months I was sober. I sat down at a table and ordered a sandwich and a glass of milk. Still no thought of drinking. I ordered another sandwich and decided to have another glass of milk.
Suddenly the thought crossed my mind that if I were to put an ounce of whiskey in my milk, it wouldn't hurt me on a full stomach. I ordered a whiskey and poured it into the milk. I vaguely sensed I was not being any too smart, but felt reassured as I was taking the whiskey on a full stomach. The experiment went so well that I ordered another whiskey and poured it into more milk. That didn't seem to bother me so I tried another.'
Thus started one more journey to the asylum for Jim. Here was the threat of commitment, the loss of family and position, to say nothing of that intense mental and physical suffering which drinking always caused him. He had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic. Yet all reasons for not drinking were easily pushed aside in favor of the foolish idea that he could take whiskey if only he mixed it with milk!
Whatever the precise definition of the word may be, we call this plain insanity."
This story helped me see the insanity in me. The insanity of the rationalizations I would make. The insanity of the denial I was in. The insanity of playing with fire without believing I was being burned. The insanity of seeking for comfort in the thing that would bring my life the greatest pain. The insanity of testing those lines with absolutely no purpose whatsoever - just to do it. I've put whiskey in my milk so many times thinking I wouldn't taste it, that it wouldn't affect me, and would be able to stay above things. That well-trodden road is a one-way path to the same place every time - ending in that same, despairingly bitter realization - ...what have I done?
The only way for the insane mind to heal is through God. Insanity can't fix insanity any more than a severely delusional person can un-convince himself of his delusions. We all need the great Physician. I am so grateful to God for helping me learn better and better to recognize Satan's voice when it comes, as well as the insanity that is addiction. I pray that it will always remain as clear to me as it is today, that whenever I am tempted to even take a step in that direction with a false sense of security, I know where it is from and what to do.
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