10 Week Workshop - 5 Takeaways

So there's this 10 week workshop for couples that my wife and I just finished this Tuesday. Basically it was 2 hours a week on Tuesday night - it involved about 6 couples and 6 single people. For the first part of the meeting we would discuss the readings for that week and then there would be a certain topic or lesson that we were to discuss for the remainder of the class time. It seemed like it was quite beneficial for a lot of the people there, husbands and wives.

I thought I'd write a quick note about some things I took away from that workshop for me.

1) It helped us get even more comfortable with talking about, hearing about, and discussing this issue. At first it seems like it was impossible to not talk about this issue without one or both of us feeling depressed or angry. It seemed like the triggers were endless that could take us from feeling fine and dandy to dismal in an instant. I feel like the more constructive conversations we have about it, the more we understand what the other is going through and are able to be patient and supportive in dealing with it.

2) It helped to see other couples going through it. I've been seeing the guys that go through this for 3+ years while going to the LDS 12-step meetings, but I've never seen a wives' group or heard them talk about it. It was enlightening for me to see couples together in this situation and to see how they feel and how they deal with things. Sad, but enlightening. The first few weeks were really tough, I just felt like a big jerk and that I couldn't look anyone in the eye. But it got a bit easier as we all understood each other and all were working toward the same goal.

3) It helped me think less. That sounds weird, but I think that so often I (and other addicts) think WAY too much about things, particularly as we begin an intensive recovery regimen. I realized I've been overanalyzing things and thinking way too much about particular thoughts or feelings when I really just needed to take a breath and let things pass through me.

4) On that note, I realized the amount of negative self-talk I have - how much I put myself down in my head, how destructive some of my thought patterns are, and also how false some of the beliefs I've developed about life and love are. I need to simplify my life and my mind and focus on truths and the important things and not too many details.

5) I realized how amazing my wife is. Ok, I already knew she was pretty awesome, but as I watched other women go through what they were going through and heard things my wife said in answer to people's questions I just re-realized I married a pretty amazing girl. I am so grateful for the sacrifices she's made to be with me and the painful efforts she's put forth to try to get over the hurt I have caused. It takes someone really special to do that.

I guess those are the main points. There were all sorts of other topics and lessons that we were supposed to learn, but when I think back to it those are the things I will remember about the workshop. There is strength in being with other people in a positive atmosphere and we were blessed to be able to that. I'm looking forward to the Arizona family thing coming up on November 2nd.

Wifey and I were talking and a positive note came up about it (gotta hang on to those!) - it was that at least we'll have a heads up on this stuff when our kids start to get older. It won't blindside us. We are well aware of the challenges and consequences that this addiction brings and have experience battling it. Early on in recovery that was the answer to my question when I was trying to figure out why I would have this weakness... it was mainly because it's only going to get worse, and the world will need people with battlefield experience to help the wounded soldiers out there. So anyway, that was positive.