While the wife is away

So wifey headed up to SLC for the conference thing this weekend - couldn't be happier that she had the opportunity. I still feel really embarrassed and terrible that she has to fly to Utah for a conference because of the trauma I have caused her... but that's another issue.

It's been a busy weekend for me so there hasn't been anything in the realm of strong temptations to act out. Went out to dinner/billiards with a friend of mine after work on Friday, then on Sat I did service, tutoring, took my car in to the shop and read my new book, and then went paintballing with some friends.

I think it's important to keep busy while we are separated from our families... and make sure it's a good busy. One of the most important things I can do is deepen relationships with the people around me, and I was able to do a lot of that this weekend and feel pretty accepted and fulfilled in the things I was doing and the people I was with. So that's good. I also have been sure to not sit and surf online while she's gone (which is always the rule anyway).

The other day was actually the first time I inadvertently ran into pornography online, at least I think it was. The reason I'm not sure is because out of the corner of my eye it kind of looked like it and I instinctively closed the browser quick and stopped what I was doing. I was looking for an online site that would stream I football site I wanted to watch - online streaming sites are never a good idea and are almost always blocked on my comp anyway... so I also realized that was a bad idea in the first place.

Anyway, that was a nice experience and I wasn't tempted again about it. The other great thing is I was able to tell the wife about it soon after she got home and be transparent about that. Everything that builds trust is a good idea.

We're also praying about expanding our family here in the future, which although is scary to think about, I've got to admit is pretty exciting too.

Also we finally got iphones, something we've been worried about for a while, and I haven't even gotten close to having an issue viewing inappropriate things on it - that's great. Maybe in another post I can write about the settings on my phone that help me feel safe. It's so great because it's safe so it doesn't sit and nag me. I hate being nagged.

Those were the positive things of recent.

Negative things are kind of similar. I still have temptations to lust pretty often - I trained myself so well I think it's going to be a while till those stop. Also we made such a huge deal about it for a few months and I think it kind of messed up my approach to not lusting. Anyway... that is still frustrating to me. I'm making the right decisions with it though, and have faith things will get easier with time.

Also, the wife had a hard night at her parents' home tonight, and doesn't want to talk to me about it because the last time we had a conversation like that I criticized her for it instead of being supportive. Another bad habit I've been dealing with. It was a huge shame because she had an incredible day a the togetherness project too...

So those are the negative things of recent.

When I think/talk about addiction, I feel so grateful because watching porn/mb is not really a big temptation anymore! It is on occasion, and I'm sure there will be more temptations to come, but it is SO much easier than before and SO much less naggy. That's so encouraging. Still got a long road to walk, but I feel better about it.