Seeing Progress

Sometimes it's hard to see the progress while we're recovering, particularly when sobriety seemed so elusive, but it's important to realize that all efforts have results. Recovery and weight lifting have a lot of parallels. I don't weight lift... which anyone who knows me will attest to... but I took a weight lifting class once in high school and once in college and had the experience.

Anyway, a way to classify exercising is as isotonic or isometric. Isotonic is where the weight remains the same and the joint angle or muscle length changes (what we typically think of when lifting weights). Isometric on the other hand is keeping the muscle length and joint angle constant during contraction (like pushing against a wall).

BOTH are ways of exercise and result in growth. Addiction sometimes felt like I was pushing against a wall - ever pushing without seeing results. But just as isometric contraction brings muscle strength, I feel like any pushing we do strengthens mind, will, faith, and ability to abstain. It's easy to get frustrated though and say "BUT THE WALL HASN'T MOVED!" and to give up or think you're a lost cause or it just isn't possible or worth it. But it is. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. :)

I also think it's really important that we don't get unifaceted in our pushing. I think at different times I've been prone to put too much emphasis on my own efforts, too much on God without doing what was necessary of me, just "white-knuckling" through it by just using my will power, or only using mind power to control my thoughts. Anyway... that wasn't a pretty way of saying it but it's kind of what's going through my head. The point is, only when we stop pushing to we get weak. Any eventually if we learn the right ways to push and keep pushing, our strength will be enough to push back the adversary.

As I distance myself from the person I was, I find it important to celebrate milestones - they just kind of get me excited and give me hope... earlier in recovery getting to the two week was an absolute miracle. For years I couldn't ever get that. But now my pushing has been having some great results, and I'm so so grateful for that.

I know I still have a really long way to go. I still have a lot of left-over problems from practicing an addiction for years and have a lot to learn before I find wholeness and am healthily able to deal with life.... but sometimes it's nice to stop and take a look at the blessings I've received.

So, happy 500 days of sobriety, Nate. And happy 3 years of consistently attending group. Keep your nose to the grindstone till the grindstone wears down.