Letter from Peter

This is pretty long... but I just gave a talk in sacrament meeting and thought if you've got 15 min it might be worth your read. I relate a lot with Peter, and gain a lot of hope from his story as he turns out ok despite having his doubts and weaknesses after all he'd been through. So I wrote a letter as if it were from Peter to me about his experiences with Christ. Here it is!

Dear Brother Nate. Thanks for the letter! It's been a while since anyone has written me. I'd be glad to tell you a little about my experiences with Christ.

I’m a simple man. I run a small business with my brother and a few of our friends – we’re fisherman. Not my dream job, but it pays the bills. I live in Bethaisda and have for a long time. Times are hard, and I’m grateful to have enough to provide for my wife and have somewhere to live. My wife and I live with my mother-in-law and my brother, Andrew.

You should know that my name wasn’t actually always Peter, originally it was Simon. My brother, Andrew, was quite a spiritual man. Always was. He particularly liked to listen to a prophet named John. One day after listening to John speak, Andrew came home in a hurry and looked excited. In between his smiles and his quick breaths, he finally got out that they had found the Messiah, the Christ, and he had actually seen Him.

He dragged me through the streets of Bethaisda to an area on other side of town. As we approached the area, I saw Him. My brother took me to Him so I could meet Him. My mind was racing with all sorts of things to say, but all I could do was look and wonder. Then he said to me, “Thou art Simon the son of Jona: thou shalt be called Cephas, a stone.” How did he know my name? And why did he give me a different one? And why did it mean rock? Did he find me dull? I’d come to find out later.

As we walked away, part of me wondered if it was just some trick. But another part of me, a much deeper and intimate part of me, yearned to believe that the sayings were true: that this was really the Christ.

Thoughts of the Messiah filled my mind constantly over the next few days, but I soon found myself back in the routine. Wake up, fish, go home, sleep. Then one morning, He came to us as we were preparing the nets to go out for another day, and said something that I can still hear to this day in a calm, but convicted voice: “follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” Before we knew it, each of us had dropped the nets and went to Him. We didn’t know how everything would work – it didn’t matter. I didn’t even understand what he meant at the time. But something inside us told us that this was the right thing to do.

My mother in law would probably tell you a different story. She probably thought Andrew and I were crazy for dropping everything and following some man we had only just met. But if she could just see Him, or hear Him, I know her mind would change instantly.

That time would come not too much later when Jesus came with us to my house. My mother-in-law was very sick with a fever. When we arrived, she laid in bed looking as if death was knocking at the door. Then, Jesus silently approached her and simply touched her hand. At that moment, it seemed that some sort of power flowed out of him to her, because she got right out of bed and the fever immediately left her. Then she looked at him with eyes that were to say, “truly, this is the Son of God.”

I came to know those eyes very well – because from the time we left those nets on the shore, we saw Christ do nothing but help others. They were the eyes of the leper, the eyes of the lame, the eyes of those thousands fed by a mere five loaves and two fishes, the eyes of the sick and the sinner, and yes, even the eyes of the blind. Everything he did was out of concern for the souls of his brothers and sisters, and he truly had the power of God with Him. 

I have never seen someone so powerful, yet so humble. He took no glory for himself. He wanted no praise. He simply wanted people to have faith, and believe in Him and His Father. One day while in the synagogue, we overheard a man speaking of his 12-year old daughter who was dead. While others tried to throw the man out, Christ simply looked at him and said, “be not afraid, only believe.” He then took James, John, and myself to the man’s house and saw the people mourning for the loss of this poor, little girl.

Many that were there laughed and mocked him when he told them she was simply sleeping. And they were sent out, which was a great shame, because those that believed would witness one of the greatest miracles of all as he took the lifeless child by the hand and said, “damsel, I say unto thee, arise.” And she arose. Even though we knew he could do this, we were still moved to the very core when it actually happened. After working this great miracle, he simply sent for someone to get the child some food, and told us all we were not to tell this to anyone. I guess we didn’t really follow that guidance, but I think he’ll forgive us. I will never forget the joy and tears in those parents’ eyes, nor the sweet innocence and new life in that child’s eyes who had been healed by the Great Physician. Those are eyes I never thought I’d see opened. 

Despite all this, there was one point when many of his followers began to have eyes of doubt. After a particularly large number left Him, Christ asked us, “Will ye also go away?” Before I could think, I said “Lord, to whom shall we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life, and we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God.”

(skip if no time) Jesus was also a master teacher. It seemed He could gaze directly into the mind and heart of all those around Him. He knew what they were seeking. He knew if they had true intent or if there was hidden malice in their hearts. I was constantly amazed at the parables that he would use. We heard him talk of the sower, the wheat and the tares, the mustard seed, the treasure hidden in the field, the 10 virgins, the lost sheep, the prodigal son, and many others.

 We were amazed at the amount of people that understood, but even more astounded by those who did not understand – and yet seemed to be the most educated. I wondered why Christ didn’t say things simply for all to understand. He told me, “because it is given unto you to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it is not given. …Therefore speak I to them in parables: because they seeing see not; and hearing they hear not, neither do they understand.” It seems that some eyes just refuse to be opened.

Christ also always encouraged those around Him to believe, and to have faith. He gave hope when the world said there was none. He encouraged the downtrodden to look up. He made the impossible seem possible. One night, we were in the midst of a horrible storm while Christ was off in the mountains praying. He seemed to do that a lot. Late in the night, we saw a figure walking toward us that looked like a ghost, and we cried out in fear. But then we heard His voice, laughingly say, “be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.” I had to be sure. And so I asked him, “Lord if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.” “Come” was the reply. I mustered all the faith I could possibly find, focused my eyes on the Lord, and walked forward as if only solid ground. With each step my confidence grew, I felt I could have flown.

Then in a moment, a large gust of wind hit me, and I looked down, and began to fear. What if I were to fall in, and drown? As this thought entered my mind I had already begun to sink. I reached out to the Lord and he gasped my hand just as I was sinking in. I looked up at his face to hear him say, “O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?” He said it as if he were talking to a child who feared the sun would not rise the next morning. Back on the ship I reviewed this phrase over and over again in my head. How could I be of little faith? Have I not seen such great miracles? Had I not walked a least a few steps on water? How could I have doubted? 

On another occasion, Christ asked us who people said he was. “Elias” one of us said. “John the baptist” said another. Jeremias! And many other prophets were said. Then Christ asked, “But whom say he that I am?” there was a bit of silence among us before I came out and said, “Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God.” Christ replied to me, “blessed art thou simon bar-jona; for flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee, but my Father which is in heaven… thou art peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.” Soon after, I was given keys of the kingdom upon the mount of transfiguration, where James, John, and I beheld Christ, Moses, and Elias, and even heard the voice of the Father bearing record of the son.

Now, surely, I felt my faith would be unshaken. But then came that supper that I would later find out would be our last with our Lord, and the longest night of our lives. He administered the sacrament to us and we sang one of our favorite hymns before retiring to the mount of Olives. Here he told us something that we didn’t like to hear. “All ye shall be offended because of me this night.”

We looked at each other in awe. Surely he did not mean us! I didn’t know why, but he looked a little worried tonight. Something was weighing on his soul. I tried to comfort him and smiled and said, “Though all men shall be offended because of thee, yet will I never be offended!” Then He looked at me, with those same eyes as when I was sinking in the water, and said “verily I say unto thee, that this night, before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice.” “though I should die with thee, yet will I not deny thee!” I retaliated. And then the rest of the disciples joined in.

Then we followed him to a place called Gethsemane – he told us to wait at the gate while he prayed in the garden. It was well into the night by now. Then, as he had many times before, he motioned for James, John, and I to accompany him while the others waited. He looked so sad. As if the weight of the world were on his shoulders. “My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death; tarry ye here, and watch with me.” And he left us. We could not see Him, but He wanted us to stay awake as He prayed for some reason. He was gone for a good while, and despite our efforts, James, John and I one-by-one drifted off.

Next thing I felt was his trembling hand on my shoulder, and with great uneasiness said “What, could ye not watch with me one hour?” He left again deeper into the garden, and once again fell asleep, leaving the Lord by himself. When he came back, he appeared weak and frail, and his clothes were tinged red with what looked like blood. Yet he was walking and talking as normal. What had happened? Before we could process it all, Judas appeared with a group of men that arrested the Lord and took him away. How could Judas sell Christ for money? I fear greatly for his soul.

I’m not sure where the other disciples went, but I had to follow them. I had to know what would happen to my Lord. I followed them to the high priest’s palace and hid among the servants. Here I watched him stand trial in front of a pack of wolves. He simply stood and listened to each accusation as they got more and more agitated. Then they asked him if he was the Son of God, and for the first time he spoke saying, “Thou hast said: nevertheless I say unto you, hereafter shall ye see the Son of man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming in the clouds of heaven.”

Although I was greatly saddened by all this, I was filled with pride. Pride in my Lord and in His power. Though everyone was against Him, he stayed the course, and stood up to his accusers. He never abandoned His mission. But then as the night went on, and they began to smite him and spit on him and talk of his death, and I looked down and began to fear.

I left the palace and sat by myself. What would I do? What would they do with me if they knew I was one of his chief disciples? As I sat alone, a woman came and said she recognized me as one that was with Jesus. “I know not what thou sayest!” I said, and left. My mind was spinning, my heart racing.

As I wandered, I thought of my brother Andrew, and James and John, and our fishing boat. Would we all die also? As I was thinking, another woman saw me and said to those around, “This fellow was also with Jesus of Nazareth!” I tried to deny but they seemed so sure of it. So I swore with an oath, that “I did not know the man” and left again.

This time, I started thinking of my wife. What if I were to die, what would become of her? Would they kill her and her mother as well? By this time, I had made my way back to where Jesus was being tried, and yet another came to me, sure that I was one of the disciples of Christ. I sternly looked the man in the eyes and cursed and swore to him that I knew nothing of Jesus. I had scarcely finished that sentence before I heard the rooster crow, and saw Jesus turn to me, and look at me with those eyes, yet again, as if to say “o ye of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt? Little child, don’t be silly, the sun will rise the next day.” And I remembered.

The sun indeed, had risen the next day as signified by the rooster’s crow, but for me it did not signify a new day, but the beginning of the greatest darkness I had ever felt. How could I, Peter, his rock, deny Him? I was supposed to be firm, immovable, and steady, but instead was as whimsical as the wind. Had the spirit not witnessed to me that He was the Christ? Had my eyes not witnessed his many mighty miracles? Had not I walked on water too? Was I any different than Judas? He sold Christ for money, I sold Him out for my own life? I ran out of the palace, and wept bitterly as tears of sorrow flowed from my once faith-filled eyes.

The rest of his letter must have been lost in the mail…

But luckily we know that Peter’s story doesn’t end this way.

 

He saw the resurrected Christ multiple times. Twice soon after the resurrection.

It was Peter that even after seeing the resurrected Lord twice suggested that he and the other disciples go back and do some fishing.

But it was also Peter who, upon finding out that it was the Savior who told them to “cast their nets on the other side” that threw himself in the water to meet him.

It was Peter who received the repeated admonition almost in the form of a chastisement when asked 3 times, “lovest thou me?” Probably because his faith had shaken those times in the past.

But It was also Peter that, despite having the Savior himself prophecy to him of his martyrdom, preached the gospel for the rest of his days, seeing visions, healing Aeneas of palsy, rasing Tabitha from the dead and working other Christ-like miracles. And it was also Peter, along with his fishing buddies James and John, who many years later would appear to Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery to confer upon them the priesthood of Aaron.

Peter’s story is one of hope for me. He walked and talked with the Savior. He saw the miracles Christ did. He had the spirit witness to him of Christ's divinity multiple times, and yet there were times that when it came down to it, Peter failed. He denied Christ. He lost faith. He disobeyed Him and went fishing instead of preaching the gospel. 

And yet - Christ kept showing faith in him and giving him the opportunities to succeed. And eventually he did! Peter's story helps me be a bit more patient with myself and with God, and gives me hope that despite my times of weakness, if I continue to do my best to move toward Christ then I can become one of His true disciples. 

If he can open the eyes of the blind, and even the dead, then he can open my eyes too if I am not of little faith. I feel that He has opened my eyes, and now I must do what I can to continue to believe and make sure they don't slowly drift shut.