Answer to a prayer

I was feeling particularly down last night and today because of... well, everything (seem's to be a trend every so often). I'm so depressed about the choices I've made. I feel wretched when I think of the things I've done. I feel the absolute worst when I think of what I've done to my dear wife's confidence in herself and how I've delayed some of her dreams and crushed others. It makes me think that everyone would be much better off without me. Then I start thinking negatively about everything else and I start believing that school, career, marriage, health, etc will all just turn out poorly, which makes me feel even more hopeless. And round and round we go...

I have moments like these every so often despite having over a year of sobriety. They happen. They are my low moments and I feel absolutely terrible inside. I know the answer is to rely on God, pray for comfort and guidance, and then to boldly follow what I feel to be right - but I just didn't muster the faith or will power to do that last night, so I just went to bed really early.

The next morning those feelings of sadness hadn't gone away (surprise!!!). After a few minutes of laying in bed, I pulled out my scriptures and read for a little while, and then begged God to let me know His will for me and to have some guidance as to what I can do that day to feel more hopeful and happy. I committed myself to doing whatever I felt His will was for me, no matter what it was. Then I immediately opened the scriptures to these verses:

"I, the Lord, was angry with you yesterday, but today mine anger is turned away...

And now, verily I say unto you, and what I say unto one I say unto all, be of good cheer, little children; for I am in your midst, and I have not forsaken you;

And inasmuch as you have humbled yourselves before me, the blessings of the kingdom are yours.

Gird up your loins and be watchful and be sober, looking forth for the coming of the Son of Man, for he cometh in an hour you think not.

Pray always that you enter not into temptation, that you may abide the day of his coming, whether in life or in death. Even so. Amen."

After reading this, I really felt it was God's will for me at this time. Although God was angry with me because of my decisions, He is not anymore. He has so many blessings waiting for me. I need to buckle down and stay firm in the path I have found - I must continue to pray, watch, and it even says to remain 'sober.' It was juts nice to have a reaffirmation that I'm on the right track in a time when I needed to hear it. My wife and I also fasted for hope today, which I'm sure helped a lot too. 

I wish I could've had the strength last night to seek Him out earlier. I'll try better next time. And while I didn't feel incredible after reading the scripture, I at least felt better, and it gave me strength to face the day. I truly believe that things will work out for all of us if we will but humble ourselves and seek out God's will (and do it!).

Here's to another day...

ps - I also had a good decision at church. My wife and I were randomly sitting next to one of the young men in my ward and I got the feeling to do the "I'll go up and share my testimony if you will" bit. I didn't really want to because I was nervous he's say no (I'd never seen him go up before) and I wasn't really sure what I would share. But I did anyway, and he accepted and we both had a great experience. Just trying to do the things I feel like I should. Each time I follow that little inkling I get a little bit stronger.