5 lessons learned

I think I'll write something I've been meaning to write for a little while.

If I were to write a letter with the thought that people who struggle with this but have not sought out help might read it, I think this is what I would write. More or less.

I've only really been involved in active recovery for a little less than 3 years, so I've still plenty to learn, but here are some nuggets I've learned along the way (for some reason chicken nuggets sound divine right now - just sayin.)

I originally was gonna put all of these in the same post, but then the first one turned out WAY too long, so I'm just gonna do one per post because nobody likes reading posts longer than the tour de france. So here's a quick summary of the top 5 things I've learned in the last almost 3 years of recovery:

1) Pornography problems are not resolved in secrecy - they thrive in it
Each of us tried to deal with this on our own for months, years, and even decades. we believed the lie that this is best resolved in secret so we don't worry or hurt those around us. In reality, we hurt our loved ones more than we can imagine the moment we made lust our god, and only by coming out and seeking help can the healing process occur for us and for them. My problem only got worse in secrecy, and slowly got better the more I was willing to bring it to light.

2) The foundation of recovery must be spiritual
I developed this addiction on my own. I turned to it. I fed it to the point that it made me insane. I kept seeking it despite its inherent and obvious eroding of everything important in my life. I consistently sought for comfort in the very thing that brings my life the most pain, despite the insanity of it. And in the moment, it actually made sense. The sick cannot heal themselves. We need the Great Physician.

3) Honesty is #1
Pornography poisons relationships, dishonesty obliterates them. Every lie I told eventually came to the surface, and the longer they stayed under, the more damage was done. Satan would have us believe that we are saving people grief by being dishonest, and 'getting away with one' by temporarily avoiding consequences. He is after all the father of all lies. Consistent honesty is the first step for a reason.

4) Watching pornography isn't my real problem
An addiction to lust isn't my real problem. It's simply the fruit of the tree that I've been taking such great care of for so long. The roots of my addiction go deep down and stem from my character weaknesses. Sexual addiction is simply my maladapted way of dealing with those things. If I am to heal, I need to fix the roots for good.

5) There is a Way out
After going through the cycle so many times, I felt there was no hope. I longed for change only to find I was changing for the worse. I felt I was stuck with no way out. Fortunately, there is a Way. I am now blessed with the knowledge that if I continue on my current path with God, I never need to turn back to those things again. It has and will continue to take a complete overhaul of my character and beliefs, but it is possible - and that made a huge difference.

That didn't go as well as I'd hoped... for some reason it's hard for me to really write down well the things I've learned and convey them in the way I wanted. Hopefully you all got something from it and it rang true.

If any of you still believes any of these myths, I plead with you to reach out. It's time to do something about it. Don't wait for another day - "there is no other day, all days are present now." Make the good decisions today that you need to make, and it will be easier to make them day after day until eventually the pesky lizard on our shoulder is taken and transformed into a magnificent steed for us to ride through the beauty life has to offer. Sounds corny when I say it, but Mr Lewis certainly does it justice.