Surviving changes

So much of overcoming addiction for me is being consistent when my environment changes. The times I used to struggle the most with abstaining seemed to be when my schedule/groove would get thrown off. Some examples that come to mind off the bat are:

• having unexpected free time for various reasons
• having school off for breaks
• returning from a vacation
• getting sick
• environmental changes - moving, new computer, etc.

There are a lot of reasons why the above situations were difficult, but if I had to narrow it down to a most important factor it would be readiness. When I'm in a set schedule with an environment that I'm used to dealing with, it is much easier to recognize and deal with things as they come. But when that schedule or environment gets changed, it almost feels like the wind shifts in a different direction or the earth shifts beneath me and I'm off balance. 

The great news is that I've had a bunch of the changes listed above happen over the last little while and have been able to anticipate difficulties and adapt without even getting close to a relapse! Examples:

• I had a complete week off of school for spring break. My wife was working the whole time. I had more than 2 days where I was completely on my own with no set schedule. I knew I would have this time on my hands and mentally prepared for it. I tried to stay busy and stay very aware of temptations if they were to come. I didn't let myself go into the ever deadly "vacation mode," ie, do what you want cause you're on vacation! That mindset tends to tarry. I took time to relax, but also did things during the day that were constructive.
• I had to send my computer in for hardware repairs and needed to use my wife's for a week or so at class. My computer is set up pretty safe, with a filter that my wife as the password to and accountability software that my wife gets a report of every week. Her computer is just password protected. So we talked about it and came up with a plan for how we'd take precautions (ie install a good filter) and make it work. I also kept the same rules we've set up with my computer while I was on hers. Just got my computer back last night and everything was fine. Didn't even get close to a slip. 
• I've had some persistent health problems for the last little while - multiple doctor visits (I have another one tomorrow), lots of pain, and just plain frustrating. 
• Today I don't have classes and am home all day. I knew when I woke up that I would need to be on my game and ask for the Lord's help, particularly because I felt sad when I woke up. So I spent nearly an hour for my personal study, said a sincere prayer, and am doing everything I can to stay aware of temptations around me. I have a plan that if temptations become strong I will leave the house and study elsewhere in a public location. 

Anyway, I just wanted to write about a positive note today cause I'm having a hard time feeling hopeful. These things gave me hope. Not long ago, all of those equations would have probably had the same, depressing conclusion. Not this year. That's hopeful. Very hopey (not a word, I know). 

What are the keys to coming out on top amidst change? I think its all about 2 things: anticipation and awareness. 

Dealing with change requires constantly looking forward as to what situations might be problematic. What struggles might I have tomorrow? Later today? This hour? What am I going to do if those struggles arise? What is my role, and what is God's? Some situations may seem unanticipatable (again... I know). While some situations may be more anticipatable than others, I think there is always an element of anticipation that can be applied to any situation, whether it be the day/week before a change is to occur, or taking a 'time out' as a change occurs and deciding how to approach it. 

Once we've anticipated what we can, we need to maintain awareness in the changed situation. Be constantly aware of negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that may put us in a mindset that could threaten our sobriety. Stay close to God and be aware of what His will may be for you. Have an escape plan and ask God for an escape the moment you feel yourself enticed to move in the wrong direction, and follow it before it starts. And most of all, don't give in to the obvious lures of satan to come closer to the edge because you 'can handle it' or you 'will probably be ok.' The moment you believe that voice, you're not ok. 

My, that was preachy. Sorry. I was just typing as if I was talking to myself or to someone who asked me that question. I don't usually like to do that. These are just things that work for me, and I want to remember them.

I feel so grateful to God for helping me deal with the changes that have come my way over the last little while, as well as the various daily stressors and struggles I deal with. I know that anticipating and preparing for changes will be absolutely vital to maintaining sobriety in the long run, and I will do all I can to prepare for the anticipated and unanticipated changes that come my way over the years.