Coping mechanisms

I woke up at 4:45 this morning to make last preparations for a test I was taking. After the test and a couple hours of lecture, my food friend asked if I wanted to ditch class and had to his house and play video games and eat chicken. 

It sounded fantastic. I used to love pizza and video game nights with my friends. 

However, I learned when I started recovery that I am the type of person that uses video games as an unhealthy way of coping with life, probably to the point of borderline addiction. I could (and earlier in life, would) play a video game for the better part of the day and never tire of it. When I was in the middle of a good game, it was the only thing I wanted to do. It took away all of life's stresses and challenges and put me in a world that I could not only control, but succeed in. Some of my worst relapses in the past have been during times when I had a game that I really liked playing, simply because playing the game put me in the mindset of all the things my other addiction thrives in: mainly isolation, selfishness, and avoiding reality. It was for these reasons that I had to politely decline my friend's request - and we stayed at lecture for the rest of the day.

In addition to video games, I have a variety of other unhealthy coping mechanisms. They aren't near as damaging as my addiction, but they follow the same principles. Most of these activities also aren't inherently bad, like my addiction - but my motives for seeking them probably are. Sometimes I turn to eating when I am sad because foods that taste good make me happy. Sometimes I turn to watching tv or movies because it lets me enter another fun world where people are funny and happy and I don't have to think of my problems.

Everyone has these. However, we have to be particularly careful of unhealthy coping mechanisms, because utilizing them puts us in the addictive mindset and are gateway actions to acting out. At least that's how it is for me. It's my allergy. A big part of recovery has been realizing my negative tendencies and to turn to God to deal with them instead of dealing with them on my own. By relying on Him in ALL areas of my life and with all my negative feelings (or at least trying to), I feel I've found a foundation that I can rely on in any storm.

This leads me to a bunch of questions. I'll give my opinion on each of them, but honestly I don't really know the answer to many of them. I'd be interested to hear what everyone else thinks on these.

1. What makes a coping mechanism unhealthy? Are all coping mechanisms bad?
I think a couple of things. One is whether or not the coping mechanism is good for us. If our coping mechanisms are reading, exercising, writing, talking, etc. then they are less likely to be unhealthy. Coping mechanisms like isolation, anger, overeating, and addictive substances would be unhealthy. There are also many that aren't inherently bad or good for us and could be both depending - like video games, tv/movies, or others.

Also, the motivation behind seeking out the coping behavior must be examined. If it is to avoid, isolate, or self-indulge, then it is likely to be harmful and unhealthy. However, if it is to inspire, strengthen, or encourage then it can be beneficial.

2. And what is the line between unhealthy coping mechanisms and addiction? 

Any coping mechanism can become an addiction if left unbridled. It becomes an addiction when it interferes with our ability to function normally, and becomes something that we must do and continue to do despite negative consequences. 

3. I've been taught  (and have been practicing) that I must turn over ALL of my character weaknesses and negative thoughts/feelings to God in order to build a healthy foundation of recovery - so does that make God the only real healthy coping mechanism? 

I don't think so. It is, perhaps, for me now. I've developed such unhealthy habits of coping with life's various struggles that I don't think I had any healthy coping mechanisms. I've had to start from square 1: turn it over to God. I believe that in time, God will lead me to other ways of dealing with negative thoughts/feelings. I will still need to put Him first and rely on Him in all areas of my life, but He can help me find other healthy things to do that strengthen me and help me deal with life's problems appropriately rather than to avoid them through various means.

Anyway, fun things to think about - even though I'm not sure. As for now, I still have a lot of tendencies to seek things out to forget about things that hurt. I am doing my best to fight those tendencies and turn to God first and not to other things for comfort. I guess that's how this really all began.

I found another blog post (below) that talks about similar topics if you're interested.

http://anewstarttoday.wordpress.com/2011/07/08/guilty-pleasurecoping-mechanismaddiction-the-difference/