Battling the natural man

I've been thinking a lot today about battling my old self... mainly because I've been battling myself all day (weird, right?). It seems like since I've been putting off the natural man, it has been trying to claw its way back into my life through any means possible. I just wanted to write about ways it has tried to infiltrate its way back into my life today and how I dealt with them - hopefully I'll learn more about myself and about how I can continue to put off the natural man. Here's my battle log today (here's lookin' at you, warrior.) I'll try and go in chronological order.

• Situation #1: Road rage. A guy was tailgating me for a decent while on my way to school. Not extremely close, but close enough to be irritating.  
• How would the natural man respond: He would slow down to mess with the person, or do other things. He would get angry inside at the person and talk bad out loud about them. 
• How did I respond: This wasn't a good one for me. I did slow down a bit and tapped my brakes once to let them know I knew. "That'll show em!" I thought. As they passed me I flashed them a nasty look, and they of course just drove by, having no idea that it even bothered me. I realized afterwards, once again, like always, how useless and counterproductive road rage is. It never has a happy ending. I have a hard time with it when I'm stressed, and I need to stay on my guard to make sure those feelings don't get the best of me. I also could've involved God in my decision to be better and in perhaps praying for the other person. 

• Situation #2: I work up at 4:15 am this morning to prepare for a test. After taking the test, I felt quite worried and anxious (turns out I had good reason to, I didn't do that well). 
• How would the natural man respond: He would get depressed and down on himself. He would make a catastrophe of it and count himself a failure, assuming the worst. He would isolate himself and sit in self-pity until the feelings seem to pass.
• How did I respond: I feel I responded somewhere in the middle. I was somewhat upset about the test and upset about my score, but I wasn't too upset. I talked with my friends about the test and curbed any instincts to be upset/jealous over how well they did. I tried to put things into perspective - realizing that one test doesn't matter. I tried to realize what's done is done and I now need to focus on the next test. I did not, however, bring my feelings to God and ask for His help - which is something I'm still trying to be better at. Sometimes I still try to do things on my own without thinking about it. 

• Situation #3: This one is lame - but when I was done with my test and I was walking out of the room, I passed someone that had upset me in the past - the thought came to make a little more noise with my step when I passed them to distract them from their test. 
• How would the natural man respond: He'd do it and not feel remorse afterwards. Or if he did, it wouldn't lead to anything. 
• How did I respond: Sorry to say, I did it - and felt bad after. I thought, "how childish was that?" Sometimes I surprise myself at how immature my impulses can still be. I realize there is nothing inherently wrong with that, but there is something inherently wrong with acting impulsively, even on little things. I later repented of the little evil I had done. 

• Situation #4: I was at home for close to 5 hours by myself at home today. In the past, at home by myself with time to spare was prime time for acting out. So almost every time I am home alone, satan reminds me of that old behavior and lets me know it's still an option. 
• How would the natural man respond: He would think himself above temptation - after all, I've gone quite a while and been home alone many days without getting close to acting out. He may even bend the rules a little bit because he can handle it. 
• How did I respond: This one I did well on, as I have for the past while. I recognized the very beginnings of the temptation, turned it over to God and asked for His help to make the right decisions - and I did. 

• Situation #5: My wife and I had a slight instance where we had a mis-communication. She called and asked for directions to somewhere and I gave her great directions, but to the wrong place. She called back again, audibly stressed from driving in busy traffic and because she was late for her meeting. I gave her the right directions and she went to her meeting 
• How would the natural man respond: He would assume that she was mad at him and take offense to it. He would fail to take into account the stressfulness of the situation, and feel bad about himself and angry at his wife. 
• How did I respond: I kept things in perspective and remained empathetic of her situation, despite the slight urges to throw myself a little pity party. I didn't take things out of context or blow them out of proportions. It helped that my wife texted and let me know she wasn't angry and was just stressed. She knows me pretty well. Anyway, another success of the day. 

So those are the minor battles that I have struggled with today. (Surprisingly, lust didn't make the list. The ever-unwanted temptations to lust seem to be in my battle log nearly every day - but not today. One more thing to be grateful for.) Was I perfect? Far from it! But I was aware - so much of the battle is just being aware. I was able to feel slight sorrow for the small poor decisions and also rejoice in my good decisions throughout the day.

If I can keep doing this each day, I feel that I will not only continue to put off the natural man, but also obviously avoid making any big mistakes in the future. You can't fall off a cliff if you're miles from the edge. I must not justify ANY step in that direction. So, to the driver of the white lexus SUV this morning - have a lovely day and drive safe.