What is this feeling?

Not loathing, for all you Wicked fans. Everyone else, don't worry about it. 

Anyway, last night while driving to our SA workshop that we're attending I was thinking about how things were going and realized that the last few days had just been a little easier than the previous few weeks. Temptations to get on the computer and look at something are few and far between, but I am currently engaged in the daily battle with the temptation to lust, and I also need to learn some fundamental things about intimacy and relationships and life that I have yet been unable to learn. 

I have been learning that it's ok to notice that other women are attractive. It's ok for women to be attractive. It's ok for me to notice. And that's it. It doesn't have to mean anything more than that. I have been working on looking at women as whole human beings and to not objectify them or look at them superficially as I have done for much of my life. I don't have to get nervous because there is someone attractive around. I can notice and let it end at that, and remember my love for my wife, the many things I admire about her, and the deep intimacy that we have been working to build. I didn't explain that situation very well, but oh well...

Anyway, for one reason or another, recently temptations in this realm have been harder to deal with and work through, and that has brought me a lot of anxiety, stress, depression, etc. BUT yesterday as I was thinking I realized that I was actually feeling ok, and better, and that things were ok. During the workshop I tried to express how I was feeling and struggled. I couldn't find the right words until the facilitator jumped in and said:

You're feeling more peaceful.

And it hit me. It had been so long since I felt any real degree of peace that I completely forgot what it was like and how to describe it. By no means am I completely at peace with myself and life and everything, although I wish I were, but for those few days I was at least able to feel peaceful to some degree, and it gave me a hope that I can get to that point long term eventually. 

I'm curious how often others with addiction or loved ones of addicts feel peace and what they do to feel peace - because I really loved it. I felt so much better. I think all that talking about it made me think more and so today was a little less peaceful, but I've tasted it now and desire it more. Perhaps it came from acceptance or maybe it was simply a gift from God. Either way... I could get used to it.