After the wreckage

Just have a few minutes before I need to head to work. My wife and I began attending a workshop that is 2 hours each week that is kind of a group therapy for couples who have been harmed by sexual addiction. I have a lot of hope that it will be a positive experience for us both.

While we are still dealing with a lot, I feel like where we are in post-explosion. Through my addiction and the mental/emotional consequences of it, I have caused explosion after explosion in our relationship. I dropped bomb after bomb after bomb through lies, hurtful words, actions, etc.



Once I learned to be honest and got a good deal of sobriety most of the bombing stopped and we were left with the wreckage.



I had no idea the effect that my addiction was having on skewing my thoughts and beliefs about women, relationships, and myself. I've realized that I have so much mental and emotional healing to do, and that stopping acting out is really only the first step in a long journey of healing. This is a little depressing because I think of how difficult stopping acting out was and I think, man - I would think it would have had a greater impact on my happiness and peace. And while it has helped me to feel a bit more confidence and peace, it's not much.

I can imagine that the people in a city that has just been bombed are relieved that the bombing is over, but horrified at the damage it caused and feel overwhelmed by the amount of work it will take to rebuild everything.

Good news is that the bombing has stopped and we are learning how to rebuild. I am realizing the lies that I have assimilated in bad habits for much of my life and am working to unlearn them and learn truths. I'm working to simplify my life and my thoughts and not to freak out over every little thing. I'm learning to appreciate my wife for who she is and realize the true precious gem I have in her. I'm learning to not objectify women around me and to look at everyone as a person, a daughter, sister, wife, mother, etc. I'm learning to be open. I'm learning to be there emotionally for my wife. Looking forward to our beautiful city.