Vacation mode

One time that has always been difficult for me in the past, especially when I was an undergrad, was vacation time. Christmas, thanksgiving, summer break, etc... it didn't matter what it was, it was always a time that I was more prone to acting out. I don't think I'm alone in this, as I often hear of others having similar issues of acting out on scheduled vacation or while traveling around, I think there are a few general reasons why.

1) I used to enter "vacation mode" - Vacation mode is a state of mind where I decide I'm going to do what I want to do when I want to do it and I'm not going to do things I don't want to do because I'm on a vacation, dang it. That's essentially it. It becomes a period of severe self-indulgence. If I want to sit around and watch tv or play a video game all day, I'll do it. If I don't want to read scriptures or pray, I won't. I'm on vacation! Vacation mode is soooo dangerous because it puts us in that self-indulging frame of mind. This is something I have had to eradicate from my life as much as possible, even to a small degree. Because when I start being selfish in certain things, it inevitably puts me in this dangerous frame of mind. Vacation is the perfect petri dish for self-indulgence.

2) It throws off my routines - There is serious power in routines. Getting up at a certain time, reading scriptures in the morning, only being on the computer at certain times in certain places, going and fulfilling various responsibilities when we need to, eating at the right times, etc. On vacation though, sleep and eating patterns tend to change. Often the daily responsibilities aren't around anymore. When my good routines break, I tend to get into lazy or self-destructive routines.

SO....

I've had my share of vacations over the last little while and have finally in the last couple years began to have success. Whether you have a day or a week or 2 weeks off (like me) this Christmas, may I suggest a few things to help each of us be successful:

1) Keep your rules and routines! I'll do my best to not let my sleep schedule get wonky, I'll read my scriptures each day and say my prayers each day. I'll get out and exercise each day, particularly starting 1/1 since that's when my mile a day 2014 starts! I won't let laziness win. Whenever the thought of "I don't really want to do that today" pops in my head, I'll grit down and do it. Your self-mastery will increase all the more. As far as rules go, I still won't use the internet (aside from email) if noone else is around, and I'll continue to pay attention to negative thoughts and feelings throughout each day and be open with my wife about difficulties I'm having.

2) Avoid self-indulgence! This can be done in a variety of ways. One way is through service. Get out and do something for someone else. Do some housework or yardwork. Organize a room. Bake something and take it to an old couple in the area. Don't eat seconds or thirds of every meal. Don't just sit around. Another way is to avoid things that put you in a self-indulging mode. For me this was video games. During breaks I would find a good video game and just get absorbed into it - this always put me in an acting out mind set and so I have had to stop playing games unless they are those big multiplayer games like mario party with my family.

In short, be in the vacation but not of the vacation. :) Just stay out of vacation mode. I can still relax and have fun with my family without becoming self-indulgent and lazy. That's what I plan on doing this Christmas break, and I pray God will help each of us make the most of it and stay safe.

Under the stars

Looks like it's been a while - recovery has been going quite well for us. It's taken a long time, but we're slowly but surely moving forward and we feel better than ever. And I'm so glad. Daily struggles still happen. I am still faced with decisions daily that could lead down the wrong path. They aren't near as severe as they used to be, they are much simpler: whether or not I'm going to pick up the trash I dropped, whether I'll tell the truth in things of lesser consequence, keeping the rules we've set about media use, whether or not I will linger on a magazine or someone around me, etc. Pornography and things of more severe consequence are hardly a temptation for me any more, and I believe it's because God has blessed me in my diligence in being honest and diligent in the small things successfully for a while now.

Anyway, on an unrelated note I went camping last night with the young men of my ward and had a great time. The best part of the trip happened when no one else was around. I had a tent in my car but decided to sleep out under the stars instead (mainly out of sheer laziness). It was about 30 degrees outside, so it was a little cold, and I bundled in my sleeping bag best I could (I was still cold most the night).

Coincidentally, there was also a meteor shower last night that was supposed to hit its max meteors/hour at 4 am. So I set my alarm for 4 and woke up to watch the show. As I laid there in my bag waiting for one meteor after another, I thought a lot about letting things go. I found my mind running off to things. Bad things I've done. Things I'm stressed about. Songs that get stuck in my head, etc. One by one I put each of those aside, mentally telling myself "I'm not thinking about those things now." I just focused on the moment and where I was. And it was really awesome.

This might sound kind of cheesy but on the way home today I started noticing little things about my surroundings that I go by each day. Landscapes I haven't looked at, buildings I haven't seen... it kind of looked like a new place. Nothing fancy to say about it. I just liked it and I hope I can find more opportunities to slow down, put all the worries out of my mind, and just watch and be. Hopefully in a little warmer weather next time.