One time that has always been difficult for me in the past, especially when I was an undergrad, was vacation time. Christmas, thanksgiving, summer break, etc... it didn't matter what it was, it was always a time that I was more prone to acting out. I don't think I'm alone in this, as I often hear of others having similar issues of acting out on scheduled vacation or while traveling around, I think there are a few general reasons why.
1) I used to enter "vacation mode" - Vacation mode is a state of mind where I decide I'm going to do what I want to do when I want to do it and I'm not going to do things I don't want to do because I'm on a vacation, dang it. That's essentially it. It becomes a period of severe self-indulgence. If I want to sit around and watch tv or play a video game all day, I'll do it. If I don't want to read scriptures or pray, I won't. I'm on vacation! Vacation mode is soooo dangerous because it puts us in that self-indulging frame of mind. This is something I have had to eradicate from my life as much as possible, even to a small degree. Because when I start being selfish in certain things, it inevitably puts me in this dangerous frame of mind. Vacation is the perfect petri dish for self-indulgence.
2) It throws off my routines - There is serious power in routines. Getting up at a certain time, reading scriptures in the morning, only being on the computer at certain times in certain places, going and fulfilling various responsibilities when we need to, eating at the right times, etc. On vacation though, sleep and eating patterns tend to change. Often the daily responsibilities aren't around anymore. When my good routines break, I tend to get into lazy or self-destructive routines.
SO....
I've had my share of vacations over the last little while and have finally in the last couple years began to have success. Whether you have a day or a week or 2 weeks off (like me) this Christmas, may I suggest a few things to help each of us be successful:
1) Keep your rules and routines! I'll do my best to not let my sleep schedule get wonky, I'll read my scriptures each day and say my prayers each day. I'll get out and exercise each day, particularly starting 1/1 since that's when my mile a day 2014 starts! I won't let laziness win. Whenever the thought of "I don't really want to do that today" pops in my head, I'll grit down and do it. Your self-mastery will increase all the more. As far as rules go, I still won't use the internet (aside from email) if noone else is around, and I'll continue to pay attention to negative thoughts and feelings throughout each day and be open with my wife about difficulties I'm having.
2) Avoid self-indulgence! This can be done in a variety of ways. One way is through service. Get out and do something for someone else. Do some housework or yardwork. Organize a room. Bake something and take it to an old couple in the area. Don't eat seconds or thirds of every meal. Don't just sit around. Another way is to avoid things that put you in a self-indulging mode. For me this was video games. During breaks I would find a good video game and just get absorbed into it - this always put me in an acting out mind set and so I have had to stop playing games unless they are those big multiplayer games like mario party with my family.
In short, be in the vacation but not of the vacation. :) Just stay out of vacation mode. I can still relax and have fun with my family without becoming self-indulgent and lazy. That's what I plan on doing this Christmas break, and I pray God will help each of us make the most of it and stay safe.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Under the stars
Looks like it's been a while - recovery has been going quite well for us. It's taken a long time, but we're slowly but surely moving forward and we feel better than ever. And I'm so glad. Daily struggles still happen. I am still faced with decisions daily that could lead down the wrong path. They aren't near as severe as they used to be, they are much simpler: whether or not I'm going to pick up the trash I dropped, whether I'll tell the truth in things of lesser consequence, keeping the rules we've set about media use, whether or not I will linger on a magazine or someone around me, etc. Pornography and things of more severe consequence are hardly a temptation for me any more, and I believe it's because God has blessed me in my diligence in being honest and diligent in the small things successfully for a while now.
Anyway, on an unrelated note I went camping last night with the young men of my ward and had a great time. The best part of the trip happened when no one else was around. I had a tent in my car but decided to sleep out under the stars instead (mainly out of sheer laziness). It was about 30 degrees outside, so it was a little cold, and I bundled in my sleeping bag best I could (I was still cold most the night).
Coincidentally, there was also a meteor shower last night that was supposed to hit its max meteors/hour at 4 am. So I set my alarm for 4 and woke up to watch the show. As I laid there in my bag waiting for one meteor after another, I thought a lot about letting things go. I found my mind running off to things. Bad things I've done. Things I'm stressed about. Songs that get stuck in my head, etc. One by one I put each of those aside, mentally telling myself "I'm not thinking about those things now." I just focused on the moment and where I was. And it was really awesome.
This might sound kind of cheesy but on the way home today I started noticing little things about my surroundings that I go by each day. Landscapes I haven't looked at, buildings I haven't seen... it kind of looked like a new place. Nothing fancy to say about it. I just liked it and I hope I can find more opportunities to slow down, put all the worries out of my mind, and just watch and be. Hopefully in a little warmer weather next time.
Anyway, on an unrelated note I went camping last night with the young men of my ward and had a great time. The best part of the trip happened when no one else was around. I had a tent in my car but decided to sleep out under the stars instead (mainly out of sheer laziness). It was about 30 degrees outside, so it was a little cold, and I bundled in my sleeping bag best I could (I was still cold most the night).
Coincidentally, there was also a meteor shower last night that was supposed to hit its max meteors/hour at 4 am. So I set my alarm for 4 and woke up to watch the show. As I laid there in my bag waiting for one meteor after another, I thought a lot about letting things go. I found my mind running off to things. Bad things I've done. Things I'm stressed about. Songs that get stuck in my head, etc. One by one I put each of those aside, mentally telling myself "I'm not thinking about those things now." I just focused on the moment and where I was. And it was really awesome.
This might sound kind of cheesy but on the way home today I started noticing little things about my surroundings that I go by each day. Landscapes I haven't looked at, buildings I haven't seen... it kind of looked like a new place. Nothing fancy to say about it. I just liked it and I hope I can find more opportunities to slow down, put all the worries out of my mind, and just watch and be. Hopefully in a little warmer weather next time.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Up and down
Well, after a little while of feeling fabulous I woke up this morning and just kind of knew it was going to be a rough day... not temptation wise, but just in general. Funny how you can just feel it. Yeah, I'm kind of burned out of my current medical rotation and my allergies are kicking my butt today, but what else is new? These are the days where the little things for some reason aren't so little. Accidentally dropping something or driving behind someone slow seems to have so much more weight than it did just yesterday. The water level is lower and I'm just hitting more rocks even though the daily things are the same.
It's funny how these days come around, and how it feels like everything is going wrong when it really isn't. It's just an interesting thing. Cause tomorrow, or the next day, or real soon, I'll feel fine. And I won't get upset when I throw something and it doesn't go in the garbage.
Until then, I'll go to group and bond with the boys, and not spiral downward into depression, because tomorrow will be a better day. And if not, the next day will be. Just keep the nose to the grindstone. Whine-session concluded.
It's funny how these days come around, and how it feels like everything is going wrong when it really isn't. It's just an interesting thing. Cause tomorrow, or the next day, or real soon, I'll feel fine. And I won't get upset when I throw something and it doesn't go in the garbage.
Until then, I'll go to group and bond with the boys, and not spiral downward into depression, because tomorrow will be a better day. And if not, the next day will be. Just keep the nose to the grindstone. Whine-session concluded.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
2014: A mile a day
I was reading a talk this morning that talked about self-mastery as being one of the most important lessons we can learn in this life, and it made me think about the habits and goals I've been setting recently. Recovery is a multi-faceted thing, and part of healing is just learning better habits and enabling God's strength to do it.
The best way to start is a goal that is easy-peasy that you know you can do. Mine this year has been flossing. A little goal, I know. It literally takes 1 minute a day. But back in January I couldn't believe how hard it was to motivate myself to floss for that one minute. I know everyone says, "do something for 2 or 3 weeks and it becomes habit" which I was always skeptical about. But seriously, after I grit down and flossed every single day for 3 weeks, it just made it's way into my routine. Since then, I've missed 3 days and that's it!
Once again, this may sound like a little thing, but now that I think about it, it is the first time I've set a goal and stuck with it for a decent amount of time. My next goal, and I'm seriously going to do this one, is for 2014 I'm going to run a mile every day, excluding Sundays. A mile at it's slowest takes 15 minutes, and I know I have 15 minutes a day to take care of my body. I've seen to many obese, diabetic, hypertensive patients with heart failure this year to let my body go on the wayside. Sure, it'd be great to do a fabulous workout or train for a marathon, but I need to start small with something I know I can do.
When I set and accomplish goals it gives me faith in recovery. I builds my faith in myself and builds my integrity. If I am solid in some little things, I can be solid in others. I can keep the rules of not surfing on the internet alone. I can tell my wife if I think of a loophole around our current electronic arrangement. I can turn to God when things get hard. We all can.
Anyway, I'd like to invite everyone that wants to to join me in mentally preparing to run a mile a day in 2014. And then on that cold morning on New Years day we throw on the jacket and get out for 15 minutes and do something to develop self-mastery and self-esteem, and health! I've already worked through the excuses I might have: I don't have time? Yes I do. I'm sick? Get out and walk for 15 minutes anyway, I'll be fine. My knee hurts? Walk, ride a bike. I broke my ankle? Get some crutches :).
It's something we all can do, I know we can, it will just take some will power. It'll be crazy hard for the first month, but so so worth it in the end. Who's in? I am. :)
The best way to start is a goal that is easy-peasy that you know you can do. Mine this year has been flossing. A little goal, I know. It literally takes 1 minute a day. But back in January I couldn't believe how hard it was to motivate myself to floss for that one minute. I know everyone says, "do something for 2 or 3 weeks and it becomes habit" which I was always skeptical about. But seriously, after I grit down and flossed every single day for 3 weeks, it just made it's way into my routine. Since then, I've missed 3 days and that's it!
Once again, this may sound like a little thing, but now that I think about it, it is the first time I've set a goal and stuck with it for a decent amount of time. My next goal, and I'm seriously going to do this one, is for 2014 I'm going to run a mile every day, excluding Sundays. A mile at it's slowest takes 15 minutes, and I know I have 15 minutes a day to take care of my body. I've seen to many obese, diabetic, hypertensive patients with heart failure this year to let my body go on the wayside. Sure, it'd be great to do a fabulous workout or train for a marathon, but I need to start small with something I know I can do.
When I set and accomplish goals it gives me faith in recovery. I builds my faith in myself and builds my integrity. If I am solid in some little things, I can be solid in others. I can keep the rules of not surfing on the internet alone. I can tell my wife if I think of a loophole around our current electronic arrangement. I can turn to God when things get hard. We all can.
Anyway, I'd like to invite everyone that wants to to join me in mentally preparing to run a mile a day in 2014. And then on that cold morning on New Years day we throw on the jacket and get out for 15 minutes and do something to develop self-mastery and self-esteem, and health! I've already worked through the excuses I might have: I don't have time? Yes I do. I'm sick? Get out and walk for 15 minutes anyway, I'll be fine. My knee hurts? Walk, ride a bike. I broke my ankle? Get some crutches :).
It's something we all can do, I know we can, it will just take some will power. It'll be crazy hard for the first month, but so so worth it in the end. Who's in? I am. :)
Friday, November 15, 2013
Game-time decision
So my blog is good decisions, one day at a time for a reason, because that's a big part of recovery for me. It takes a conscious decision for me to make good decisions when it's difficult in a variety of circumstances at various moments throughout each day. Sounds simple... but it takes practice. I had a good test of this a couple days ago...
So my wife and I got iphones a month or so ago. We have been scared to get them because it's hard enough with figurative cigarettes everywhere, and now I'd have a pack of them in my pocket constantly. But we put good limits and controls on it, and it really hasn't been a temptation much at all to look up anything inappropriate. So that's good.
One other thing I've been afraid of is the iphone games. Stupid, I know. But for me, games are a type of addiction. I get so into them. I go to them for some of the same reasons I sought out pornography - to escape reality and everything that comes with it. Anyway, part of recovery for me was eliminating video games from my life. And it was hard at first, I'm sad to admit.
Anyway, my wife and I wanted to get a game on our iphones that we could play together for kicks, and we found... hay day! Some of you just smiled a bit and thought of your awesome farms, admit it. Anyway, I think it's funny that people advertise games as addicting because that game is so addicting! It utilizes the principles of rewards at variable intervals to train your brain to think of it at various times during the day. Amazing stuff.
I decided it was ok because my wife and I would be playing the game kind of together, even though we had different games. I thought I'd be ok because of that. I put limits on my time, 15 min 3x a day and that's it. But I began thinking about it frequently throughout the day. It occupied my mind. I began to start to make exceptions to my rule. I even found myself becoming more irritable... weird, I know. And after a few days, I just realized that my life would be better without it. I felt like I should probably delete it and stop, but I didn't want to - I still thought I could handle it.
After a day or so my wife and I were getting ready for bed, and I just thought - you know, you just have to delete it and move on - you know you're better off without it. So I opened my phone and deleted the game. My wife deleted hers as well.
This may sound dumb to a lot of you, but for others it will hit a nerve because you are like me. There isn't anything inherently wrong with video games... but I can't have those types of games in my life because of how they make me feel and the unhealthy outlet they give me. And I'm okay with that.
I'd been wondering if I should delete it from the 1st day I put it on my phone, but it didn't get stronger until I read Elder Scott's most recent conference talk. He talks about the anti-nephi-lehis and how they had buried their weapons of war and covenanted not to use them again. Elder Scott asks the question, if they repented and had been cleansed by the atonement, why not pick up their weapons and go to war instead of sending their young sons to battle? The answer was that they did not want to bring back old weaknesses that might be difficult to them and might give the devil a chance to exploit it. Similarly today I read Elder Cook's talk about 4 different types of bondage. Pornography and other addictions were type one, but games and social media (and sports :(...) were type 2 because they are not inherently evil but often take our time and attention away from more important things.
So, I've reburied my weapon of war. I can play multiplayer games on like a wii, but no single player level up games. That's the way it is, and I'm ok with it. I'm thankful to God and my wife for helping me have the strength to make the right decision.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Driving stick shift
Haven't blogged in a while... when things are going well I seem to blog less so I guess that's a good thing. And things have been going really well, which I love.
Anyway, one topic I wanted to write about that is important to recovery that I realized again last week. My car was in the shop getting a free paint job (who loves factory recalls? I do), and so we had to make due with just one car between the two of us. Sounds simple right? Except for my wife's car is a stick shift and mine is automatic... and I have never learned to drive stick, despite being taught a few different times. And despite my wife wanting me to learn since we were dating.
So the day after I dropped my car off, my wife wanted me to practice driving the stick, and I kept finding one excuse or another not to do it. "I'll do it after (insert event)." "It's too dark right now." etc. There's always an excuse. Plus in the back of my mind was the fact that I'd just be too embarrassed to have my wife or the other people on the road see me shift too early, shift too late, shift to wrong gear, not push clutch in far enough, keeping clutch in too long, think I'm in reverse but actually I'm in first, and kill it in our garage, in parking lots, at stop lights, and sometimes in the middle of the road (all of which happened at some time).
Anyway, it got to the point where I needed to use it, and she wouldn't be there. One of the young men in our ward and I were taking sacrament to some elderly folks. So I picked him up and we went. It was a bumpy ride full of mistakes, but by the end I had at least had some minor successes. After that I had to drive the car to work each day about 20 min away. Lots of mistakes along the way, but by the end of a few days without my car I could drive a stick pretty smoothly, and I was pumped to show wifey.
She didn't trust me at first and actually wouldn't let me drive a few times after because it would make her nervous, but one time she let me and was pleasantly surprised at my progress at the stick driving. Now I can drive both cars no problem.
So anyway, I feel like this little ordeal of mine exhibited a lot of truths I've experienced in recovery. I'll put em in list form cause that's easiest for me.
1. Don't be afraid of looking stupid - This is honestly what kept me from learning stick all these years. I didn't want to look stupid to other strangers on the road. I didn't want people to see the idiot that killed their car thinking it would be a nervous 16 yo girl and then seeing me. In recovery, I had a really hard time letting go of my pride and letting others know about my struggles. It took a few years before I was willing to go to group, talk to family members, friends, etc and am still working on it. I know I'm making lots of progress though as I care less about what other people think of me and more about what matters.
2. Don't be afraid to make mistakes - another reason why I never learned stick is because I knew I would make mistakes while learning, and I hated that. I don't like making mistakes because it shows my weaknesses and makes me feel stupid (see #1). Sometimes it was scary to commit to recovery because I had made so many mistakes in the past and I was bound to make more. Sometimes I was scared to tell people at group or elsewhere that I was trying to recover because what if I mess up later? Mistakes are going to happen, and that's really the way we learn the majority of the time.
3. Trust takes a while - even after telling my wife I was great at driving the stick, it still took her a while before she trusted me to drive, and even when she did it was for a short distance at first. Patience with the spouse in recovery is tough but vital in recovery, especially in regards to trust.
4. Recovery takes a full commitment - If I were to have gone and got a rental car for that week "just in case" I couldn't learn to drive the stick, or had some other escape plan in case it was just too hard, I would've defaulted it early on for sure. Similarly, half-hearted to recovery never brings lasting results. We have to jump in with our whole effort head first and not have any other escape routes. Figure out what recover is going to take, and then completely and wholly commit to it without giving yourself a loop hole out. I will go to group every Tuesday. I will tell my wife if I have problems. I will not surf when wifey is not home. I will not lie about anything - if I do I will fix it. I will not use the computer after wifey is asleep. I will turn to God in the difficult moments and follow His will. No excepts or unlesses about it.
Anyway, that was my experience driving a stick and I'm pretty good at it now, or I guess at least I can get where I need to go. I kind of feel the same way about recovery... I feel like I'm at a point now I can get where I need to go, even if it isn't the smoothest ride. This week marks 21 months sober for me and we're going strong. I am so grateful to God for His help in getting us this far and I pray for His continual blessings on each of us in our journey. 加油！
Anyway, one topic I wanted to write about that is important to recovery that I realized again last week. My car was in the shop getting a free paint job (who loves factory recalls? I do), and so we had to make due with just one car between the two of us. Sounds simple right? Except for my wife's car is a stick shift and mine is automatic... and I have never learned to drive stick, despite being taught a few different times. And despite my wife wanting me to learn since we were dating.
So the day after I dropped my car off, my wife wanted me to practice driving the stick, and I kept finding one excuse or another not to do it. "I'll do it after (insert event)." "It's too dark right now." etc. There's always an excuse. Plus in the back of my mind was the fact that I'd just be too embarrassed to have my wife or the other people on the road see me shift too early, shift too late, shift to wrong gear, not push clutch in far enough, keeping clutch in too long, think I'm in reverse but actually I'm in first, and kill it in our garage, in parking lots, at stop lights, and sometimes in the middle of the road (all of which happened at some time).
Anyway, it got to the point where I needed to use it, and she wouldn't be there. One of the young men in our ward and I were taking sacrament to some elderly folks. So I picked him up and we went. It was a bumpy ride full of mistakes, but by the end I had at least had some minor successes. After that I had to drive the car to work each day about 20 min away. Lots of mistakes along the way, but by the end of a few days without my car I could drive a stick pretty smoothly, and I was pumped to show wifey.
She didn't trust me at first and actually wouldn't let me drive a few times after because it would make her nervous, but one time she let me and was pleasantly surprised at my progress at the stick driving. Now I can drive both cars no problem.
So anyway, I feel like this little ordeal of mine exhibited a lot of truths I've experienced in recovery. I'll put em in list form cause that's easiest for me.
1. Don't be afraid of looking stupid - This is honestly what kept me from learning stick all these years. I didn't want to look stupid to other strangers on the road. I didn't want people to see the idiot that killed their car thinking it would be a nervous 16 yo girl and then seeing me. In recovery, I had a really hard time letting go of my pride and letting others know about my struggles. It took a few years before I was willing to go to group, talk to family members, friends, etc and am still working on it. I know I'm making lots of progress though as I care less about what other people think of me and more about what matters.
2. Don't be afraid to make mistakes - another reason why I never learned stick is because I knew I would make mistakes while learning, and I hated that. I don't like making mistakes because it shows my weaknesses and makes me feel stupid (see #1). Sometimes it was scary to commit to recovery because I had made so many mistakes in the past and I was bound to make more. Sometimes I was scared to tell people at group or elsewhere that I was trying to recover because what if I mess up later? Mistakes are going to happen, and that's really the way we learn the majority of the time.
3. Trust takes a while - even after telling my wife I was great at driving the stick, it still took her a while before she trusted me to drive, and even when she did it was for a short distance at first. Patience with the spouse in recovery is tough but vital in recovery, especially in regards to trust.
4. Recovery takes a full commitment - If I were to have gone and got a rental car for that week "just in case" I couldn't learn to drive the stick, or had some other escape plan in case it was just too hard, I would've defaulted it early on for sure. Similarly, half-hearted to recovery never brings lasting results. We have to jump in with our whole effort head first and not have any other escape routes. Figure out what recover is going to take, and then completely and wholly commit to it without giving yourself a loop hole out. I will go to group every Tuesday. I will tell my wife if I have problems. I will not surf when wifey is not home. I will not lie about anything - if I do I will fix it. I will not use the computer after wifey is asleep. I will turn to God in the difficult moments and follow His will. No excepts or unlesses about it.
Anyway, that was my experience driving a stick and I'm pretty good at it now, or I guess at least I can get where I need to go. I kind of feel the same way about recovery... I feel like I'm at a point now I can get where I need to go, even if it isn't the smoothest ride. This week marks 21 months sober for me and we're going strong. I am so grateful to God for His help in getting us this far and I pray for His continual blessings on each of us in our journey. 加油！
Thursday, October 24, 2013
10 Week Workshop - 5 Takeaways
So there's this 10 week workshop for couples that my wife and I just finished this Tuesday. Basically it was 2 hours a week on Tuesday night - it involved about 6 couples and 6 single people. For the first part of the meeting we would discuss the readings for that week and then there would be a certain topic or lesson that we were to discuss for the remainder of the class time. It seemed like it was quite beneficial for a lot of the people there, husbands and wives.
I thought I'd write a quick note about some things I took away from that workshop for me.
1) It helped us get even more comfortable with talking about, hearing about, and discussing this issue. At first it seems like it was impossible to not talk about this issue without one or both of us feeling depressed or angry. It seemed like the triggers were endless that could take us from feeling fine and dandy to dismal in an instant. I feel like the more constructive conversations we have about it, the more we understand what the other is going through and are able to be patient and supportive in dealing with it.
2) It helped to see other couples going through it. I've been seeing the guys that go through this for 3+ years while going to the LDS 12-step meetings, but I've never seen a wives' group or heard them talk about it. It was enlightening for me to see couples together in this situation and to see how they feel and how they deal with things. Sad, but enlightening. The first few weeks were really tough, I just felt like a big jerk and that I couldn't look anyone in the eye. But it got a bit easier as we all understood each other and all were working toward the same goal.
3) It helped me think less. That sounds weird, but I think that so often I (and other addicts) think WAY too much about things, particularly as we begin an intensive recovery regimen. I realized I've been overanalyzing things and thinking way too much about particular thoughts or feelings when I really just needed to take a breath and let things pass through me.
4) On that note, I realized the amount of negative self-talk I have - how much I put myself down in my head, how destructive some of my thought patterns are, and also how false some of the beliefs I've developed about life and love are. I need to simplify my life and my mind and focus on truths and the important things and not too many details.
5) I realized how amazing my wife is. Ok, I already knew she was pretty awesome, but as I watched other women go through what they were going through and heard things my wife said in answer to people's questions I just re-realized I married a pretty amazing girl. I am so grateful for the sacrifices she's made to be with me and the painful efforts she's put forth to try to get over the hurt I have caused. It takes someone really special to do that.
I guess those are the main points. There were all sorts of other topics and lessons that we were supposed to learn, but when I think back to it those are the things I will remember about the workshop. There is strength in being with other people in a positive atmosphere and we were blessed to be able to that. I'm looking forward to the Arizona family thing coming up on November 2nd.
Wifey and I were talking and a positive note came up about it (gotta hang on to those!) - it was that at least we'll have a heads up on this stuff when our kids start to get older. It won't blindside us. We are well aware of the challenges and consequences that this addiction brings and have experience battling it. Early on in recovery that was the answer to my question when I was trying to figure out why I would have this weakness... it was mainly because it's only going to get worse, and the world will need people with battlefield experience to help the wounded soldiers out there. So anyway, that was positive.
I thought I'd write a quick note about some things I took away from that workshop for me.
1) It helped us get even more comfortable with talking about, hearing about, and discussing this issue. At first it seems like it was impossible to not talk about this issue without one or both of us feeling depressed or angry. It seemed like the triggers were endless that could take us from feeling fine and dandy to dismal in an instant. I feel like the more constructive conversations we have about it, the more we understand what the other is going through and are able to be patient and supportive in dealing with it.
2) It helped to see other couples going through it. I've been seeing the guys that go through this for 3+ years while going to the LDS 12-step meetings, but I've never seen a wives' group or heard them talk about it. It was enlightening for me to see couples together in this situation and to see how they feel and how they deal with things. Sad, but enlightening. The first few weeks were really tough, I just felt like a big jerk and that I couldn't look anyone in the eye. But it got a bit easier as we all understood each other and all were working toward the same goal.
3) It helped me think less. That sounds weird, but I think that so often I (and other addicts) think WAY too much about things, particularly as we begin an intensive recovery regimen. I realized I've been overanalyzing things and thinking way too much about particular thoughts or feelings when I really just needed to take a breath and let things pass through me.
4) On that note, I realized the amount of negative self-talk I have - how much I put myself down in my head, how destructive some of my thought patterns are, and also how false some of the beliefs I've developed about life and love are. I need to simplify my life and my mind and focus on truths and the important things and not too many details.
5) I realized how amazing my wife is. Ok, I already knew she was pretty awesome, but as I watched other women go through what they were going through and heard things my wife said in answer to people's questions I just re-realized I married a pretty amazing girl. I am so grateful for the sacrifices she's made to be with me and the painful efforts she's put forth to try to get over the hurt I have caused. It takes someone really special to do that.
I guess those are the main points. There were all sorts of other topics and lessons that we were supposed to learn, but when I think back to it those are the things I will remember about the workshop. There is strength in being with other people in a positive atmosphere and we were blessed to be able to that. I'm looking forward to the Arizona family thing coming up on November 2nd.
Wifey and I were talking and a positive note came up about it (gotta hang on to those!) - it was that at least we'll have a heads up on this stuff when our kids start to get older. It won't blindside us. We are well aware of the challenges and consequences that this addiction brings and have experience battling it. Early on in recovery that was the answer to my question when I was trying to figure out why I would have this weakness... it was mainly because it's only going to get worse, and the world will need people with battlefield experience to help the wounded soldiers out there. So anyway, that was positive.
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